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BoozeWeek Article: Hittin’ Some Bitches in Eugene
By admin | July 19, 2010
This article was originally written for the Summer 2010 issue of BoozeWeek, now available at Olive Juice and stores all over the Eugene area and elsewhere. Reprinted with BoozeWeek’s permission.
Hittin’ Some Bitches in Eugene
By James “Master Brains” Warmels, the Urinal Gum creator
Bullet Brains pulls the left side of her pants down to about mid-hip to reveal a compact disc-sized bruise. “If you look closely, you can almost see the pattern of the track,” she says as she chases ibuprofen with a swig of Ninkasi. This is the after party at the Muse. The Emerald City Roller Girls’ all-star travel team, The Skatesaphrenics, just destroyed Humboldt County’s Redwood Rollers at the Regional Sports Center in Springfield. Some of the ladies are limping. All of them, winners and losers, have bright, genuine smiles on their faces as they recount the night’s events. The highlight being when both teams started playing roller derby while skating backwards at the very end of the bout as the results were certain. The referees threw their arms up in resignation. This is what the game is about.
Roller derby came to Eugene in 2006. Since then, with the help of other leagues (such as Portland’s famous Rose City Rollers), they have gone from a dozen girls getting banned from hitting at Skate World to a hundred or so gals on four teams practicing up to six times per week at the Regional Sports Center. Each member is active in the community and driven in all that they do. They are nurses, teachers, local business owners, bankers, graduate students, bartenders, and the list goes on.
A strong drive is necessary to push through the inevitable massive hematoma, broken ribs, dislocated joints, and brain hemorrhaging. Only the worst injuries sideline these femmes of the flat track. Still, occasionally disaster strikes. Recently, one of the star skaters, Ambrusia, was forced to take a leave of absence due to a torn ACL requiring surgery. Pregnant women are banned from the track with what is called “The 9-Month Injury.”
But, when injuries occur, the derby community is there. When Liv Evil destroyed her collar bone, she received home-cooked meals from her derby sisters. A “Sunshine Committee” bakes cupcakes, cookies, and other sweets for injured or sick ladies. And, most roller girls have a “derby wife.” This relationship is not necessarily sexual (although if it makes you like derby more, it is extremely sexual, kinky, and wet). It is more about watching out for each other in sickness, slumps, and generally dour life circumstances. It is also someone with whom one can share her triumphs.
Of course, there are actual families within derby. One example involves three generations of skaters: Merby Dick, a 70-year-old who resembles a tall, lean Santa Claus, skates for the new men’s derby team, the Lane County Concussion. He is joined by his two sons and his son-in-law, Macho Mexican. His daughter, Macho’s wife Dropkick Daisy, is a roller girl. And, their daughter is on the children’s derby team, the Junior Gems. Their son refs for the Gems’ bouts. This family will fuck you up and then treat you way too nicely afterward.
Since this is an article for Boozeweek, I would be remiss not to mention the role alcohol plays in all of this. Beer is the preferred genre of alcohol among skaters as it rehydrates and aids in carbo-loading (fuck you, Atkins). At one point, Pabst Blue Ribbon and Ninkasi both sponsored the league. Pabst got all sandy in the vagina about Ninkasi being involved, and since the sand did not produce a pearl, their sponsorship was dropped: yet another reason to avoid Pabst. Ninkasi, as a show of support, donates kegs to roller derby after parties and various other derby functions (see pudding wrestling and bikini car washes.)
Alcohol aids in both the bonding after bouts and suppressing any immediate aches and pains (especially butt hurts.) The ladies can be the most fierce rivals during the bout, but once they are together sharing a brew, you’ll see them dancing together and sharing their different derby experiences. It’s what I imagine the NFL would be like if it were made up of gay guys: beat the shit out of each other for 60 minutes then go out for drinks.
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It’s now 3pm the day after the bout and Bullet Brains is finally hobbling out of bed to grab a Costco-sized Gatorade. “This is about as far from bed as I’m going to be able to make it today,” she says. “I just hope I’m not too sore for Monday.” With Monday comes another work week and another night of practice with some hard-hitting bitches. The hint of a smile crosses her lips as she thinks about it. She’ll be there, loving every minute of it.
The next home bout for the roller girls is August 28th at the Fairgrounds. Check out www.emeraldcityrollergirls.net for more info.
Also, if you are interested in men’s roller derby, we (I’m a member) are looking for skaters of any level. I started out looking like a mare on ice. Visit www.lanecountyconcussion.com for more info!
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