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Top 10 Predictions for 2010
By admin | January 25, 2010
Okay, okay, okay. I realize this is a bit late, that everyone else made their predictions long ago, and in a way, I’m cheating since the year has already started. But, is it really ever too late to predict future events?
Some of these events are more likely to happen than others. If the world continues in the trajectory in which it is currently traveling, though, all of these events will occur. But, as we all know, there are always time travelers who mess things up for us. Consequently, I have ranked these ten events based on the likelihood of them occurring despite meddling from time travelers.
Be sure to bookmark this page and come back at the end of the year, so you can confirm that I am a superhuman worthy of every variety of praise and gift. Feel free to leave a comment if you think you can match my wits.
10. Glenn Beck will not refute the overwhelming evidence of rape and murder that continues to build against him.
9. The term “going viral,” as used to describe an internet phenomenon, will be banned by Congress. Violators will be executed.
8. We will declare global climate change a myth when it gets “too damn cold” for 77-year-old Richard Singleton of Appleton, Wisconsin.
7. Scientists will invent a caffeine gas. Fortune 500 companies will soon pump caffeine into building air ducts to increase efficiency.
6. Unemployment will reach 107% prompting the US to discuss plans to sell Michigan to Canada.
5. Nigeria will become the newest superpower after getting all of China’s money through an e-mail scam.
4. Keith Richards will die of natural causes at the age of 92.
3. In a surprise move, Israel will declare itself an Islamic state. This will prompt Iran to convert to Judaism.
2. The US will defeat Al Qaeda when 14-year-old hackers gain control of US Air Force drones.
1. “Top X lists” will go extinct once people realize they are arbitrary and meant to incite stupid passions.
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