« The Onion Unpeeled: Jesus Christ Was NOT Considered for the Notre Dame Job | Home | Top 10 Greatest Music Videos of the 80s »
A Letter to the Federal Communications Commission
By admin | January 5, 2010
March 5, 2007
FCC
Enforcement Bureau, Investigations and Hearings Division
445 12th Street, SW
Washington, D.C. 20554
Dear FCC,
I don’t know how you guys can just sit there twiddling your thumbs as our country goes to heck in a hen’s casket! As the policing agency of America’s airwaves, it is your duty to uphold the strong moral code of the United States. Yet, when I turn on the TV, all I hear is GD this and B-word that and let me put my P-word in her other-P-word and grind until I have my O-word. I can’t help but sin all over my Kleenex!
My first specific complaint is about that Bill O’Reilly fellow. Recently, I flipped to his show and couldn’t believe it when I heard him say, “What if Mary had taken Plan B after the Lord filled her with his hot, white, sticky Holy Spirit?” How dare he reference the use of birth control! Birth control is murder, and O’Reilly should be taken off the air for suggesting that it be used! I don’t want my son to be filled with ideas that baby-killin’ is all right!
My second specific complaint is roundly violated. Whenever I hear the very popular classic rock song “Who Are You?” by The Who, they never take out the F-word in the lyrics “Who the F-word are you?”! That is such a moist word! I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that sex is something respectable people do. My wife and I have never once given into our sexual urges, not even after watching those gay guys on that Will & Grace show. And, that’s another thing: how can you allow homosexuality to be flaunted all over the television? I don’t want my other son to grow up into one of those leather, ass-less pants wearin’ poofs who go around with their big moustaches offering people HJs. Those HJs are never very good. You’d think they’d never touched a P-word in their life!
Who’s supposed to be patrolling the enternets? They are doing a piss poor job. Not a day goes by that I don’t see some offers to enlarge my P-word by a few inches. Why would I do that? I don’t want it dangling in no urinals or nothing! Plus, what do they know about my P-word? And, I sure as heck don’t need none of that Viagra makin’ my pants all tight.
Well, I wanted to let you guys know that you need to pick up the slack in the government’s efforts to keep America safe from immoral influences. The next place the terrorists are going to attack is our minds by making us all gay and thus ending the white race. I am very fat. I would like you to provide me with a bulleted list of what you plan to do about this. Until then, I remain,
Sensually yours,
Psome Pseudonym
RECEIVED A FORM LETTER RESPONSE MORE THAN A YEAR LATER
Topics: Correspondence | 1 Comment »
January 5th, 2010 at 3:06 am
funniest thing i saw on the enternets all day